On this very day....when I look upon my world before me. I see people of all shapes and sizes living out their lives. When I see this, it makes me happy. When I think about this it makes me cry....Even the simlpist thing in life you know? the way how flowers bloom and how people interact within eachother. Even the way how people walk the streets breathing into the still air. It makes me feel that this might be my last day of living....thinking this way, not trying to take things for granted. And yet I still smile, I'll cry if I allowed my self too....It just seems like am saying my final goodbye. But I don't want that to happen....b-but must of me saids that I wanted to die along time ago. I wanted to die....no, I was longing for my life to end. Just to stop for ever, to lay beneath the cold earth we call home. Is my life really that sad? I go to school talk to my friends, even laugh with them...When school is over I come back home...I talk to my sisters and say hi to my mom and dad...almost everyday....Is my life that sad to begin with? I really don't like to think so, I just only wish.....for everybody to let me go...

My life isn't my own...I know that. But everyday it seems i only hurt the people around me. I don't want them to feel pain, i don't want to feel sad....I-I just don't want to be in pain anymore. I just wanted it to stop you know. But no matter where I go...it seems like am hurting somebody in the process and I hate that! But I still smile despite the way I feel....I smile for someone else, never for my self. Always for smile one else, hoping deep down inside a smiple smile can cheer up their day. A smile that can shine better then the sun.....But I don't have that. I wish I did....I wish I can do a lot of things.....but when I attemp to do it. People laugh at me for my ideas, just a dreamer...."Not everything is possible Julie." "But if you just try or even come up with something similiar then it is possible!" .....all I hear is laughter afterwards. Are my ideas that laughable? If only I-if only things were different....In a way i don't want things to be different to the point everybody will take in my ideals. If that was possible I'll be taking away everybody's feel will. Everybody has the right to voice out what they have to say....That's the natural freedom of all man! I don't care if the law say this or that......you were born with a voice for a reason even if it's just in your head, you have every right to speak.

Now after all of this do i have the right that I still long for death....yes I do. I live for others....for my sisters...my parents...my friends...and so forth. But in some way it's not true....no matter how many times I tell my self, I also live for my passion for art. My love and craving still drivs my til this day. The more I think about it art is every where I go...the pictures in my dreams the sound of brids outside my window....it's all art in another shape or form....it makes you want to give you life an extra drive a boost if you will. Something to cling onto, something to foreverlove. To love this earth and everything on it, that is my art. It's not just drawings or paint on a canvas, it's something more to that. Heh...I think it's life it's self.

Even if you don't see my point of view. everybody has their own way of seeing life....and I'm grateful for that! For some reason I can't stop crying as I type this down. Is love really that strong to bring one to such tears? Is anything that strong enough? I think I just answered my own question....yes it is....anything can be that strong enough.

You know what i want to wish for if I had just one wish.....just one wish...i only wish to love all for what everything is and to come from it...